Why am i so accommodating
The journey's as important as the destination, if not more so. This must surely be the superior reaction. By Anja van Kralingen Complexes , Personally abuse , accommodating , relationships 6 Comments I am not an accommodating person. It's an essay from the Atlantic, ferchrissakes. Joe, my own college mate and friend, had betrayed me while I was away! I never realized to what extent the demands were increasing; it never occurred to me that, in being over-kind to every Tom, Dick, and Harry who applied to me, I was being unkind to the boss who paid my salary and to the wife who waited dinner until the dinner was spoiled. That, as I said at the beginning, was five years ago.
I believe that the people in my life are there for a reason. Then, turning swiftly, she locked herself in her room and we heard her sobbing as if her heart would break. Some such code, written or understood, must prevail among folks who want to unload their petty difficulties onto someone else. From Carnegie's book, I learned how important it was to be interested in order to be interesting. I read it when I was young. Read what the author is saying here: There's a lot in that piece about the dream of owning a small business, and the mythology about that small town hardware and drug store and how nice everyone was to each other back then. But I'll also say that the sort of "pathology" that he had to overcome is exactly the sort of thing that women historically have had to negotiate, except for most of that time without any outside affirmation and few visible examples that rejecting the "good woman" trap was a sane and healthful response to a draining, exhausting, ultimately self-defeating and profoundly unhappy existence based on unrealistic and self-serving expectations that others happily and self-righteously set for you. However, I think the author of the original article could have been a bit less of a doormat at times. He drove straight at the heart of the matter in a way that reminded me of his father even more. When any one of the five churches was to have a special celebration, I was invariably one of the boys who stayed up most of Saturday night getting the decorations in place. It's from The American Magazine, and it's what that type of magazine did 90 years ago. I was the boy who carried the heavy bag of bats home after the ball game. I think it would have been better off if I had ended it much earlier and moved on. A very odd essay from a issue of The American Magazine that seems to go against the general grain of most of the articles published then. There is no sustainable moral code which requires perpetual self-sacrifice. I'm also consciously not as conciliatory or sweet in my email correspondence after reading how people don't respect those people who are nice in their email. The least objection to his lectures only prolonged them and increased their volume. That is just as unhealthy and damaging as someone who only serves themselves. As a lesson in how and why one shouldn't be a doormat, rather than a lesson in world outlook, though. His name was on every subscription list. Such a situation could have but one outcome. I am afraid some reader may imagine that from being a good-natured friend of humanity I became all at once an unobliging and purely self-centered individual. In fact this piece is positively blunt for its day. I am not a dried-up, inhuman wretch. What the author is describing is someone who had no ability to set boundaries or to prioritize among the multiplicity of demands that others can put on them.
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